Let me introduce myself for those of you who do not know me.
My name is Judi Rhodes, 58 years old.
In 1973, at the age of 26, while sitting with friends one evening, a curiousness overtook me as to the meaning of life. And in the moments that transpired I saw into the reality that there was no separate entities as such, and Life itself was just a process. I sat there completely speechless as if terrified, seeing into this deep reality, not knowing what to make of it. My friends thinking that there was something perhaps the matter with me, because I had fallen back against the wall on the bed where we were sitting, asked me if I was alright. The only thing I could say was that I was ok and left it at that.
I walked around dazed for a couple weeks not knowing what to make of this “pandora’s box” that I had inadvertently opened, not being able to speak to anyone. I figured that this is what Jesus had been talking about, but he was dead, and who was I to speak with about this? It was then that I came upon Franklin Jones’ (Da Free John) book The Knee of Listening, and as I read his book, I cried, knowing that I was not alone in this Incredible Understanding.
And that is how I came to be a seeker.
For the next 23 years I studied, I met and worked with different teachers and had many insights and extraordinary subtle, out of body etc, etc. etc. experiences, but the experiences always ebbed and left me still in a seeking position. At the age of 50, suddenly one evening the whole adventure came to an end thru a crisis of understanding into my own activity of seeking and separateness. And “Judi” died. :-) Rest her soul. :-)
Now all that’s here is consciousness. And I am that. Which is no one at all.
Let’s party. :-)
Wherever there is ruin there is hope for treasure.
Why do you not seek the treasure of God in the wasted heart?
There is a secret medicine
Given only to those who
Hurt so hard they can’t hope.
The hopers would feel slighted
If they knew.
You see, the whole notion of basing our life on hope for some better and/or imaginary future has got to be looked into and seen for what it is.
It is the activity of separating ourself from *God*. And God is not an *other*. God is nothing that we can *imagine* God to be. When I first realized this, I think the first thing I thought to myself was—“Boy, this is better than any God I could have ever imagined!” And it’s true. Because when we give up all that hope that some God or Guru “out there” in the cosmos is gonna make it all better, we start to see everything *as it is* instead of living on imaginary hope.
Everything we could possibly hope for is already here in the *present*. Our heart/consciousness IS the present, our minds move in the past or the future. And the best part is—when one realizes this freedom that we in fact *are*, we as individuals become free of the seriousness of life and karma/consequences and such. Because I know exactly what the consequence of everything already is. That’s me! :-) I am the consequence! :-) I am always and already the HEART OF THE MATTER. It is that utterly simple.
I kid you not. Throw everything away and you will see what I am talking about. And you will say…“ooh, for goodness sakes—sheesh, why didn’t someone tell me this before???” :-) So, consider yourself told! Be happy!
Jai Hari Kaur
(excerpt from post to alt.consciousness)
The Christ Consciousness, when manifested, is always a shock to sleeping souls.
Excellent point Ray, I do so like driving this point home.
Like I have stated before… that first step is a doozie!
Talk about an eye opener!
Best medicine I have found. But who has the guts for it?
To be here, without any information, no consoling vision,
no payoff in sight, nothing to soften the starkness of life,
love unable to help. Death.
“Losing Yourself to the Shock”
Oh no, is this all there is?
This is it?
But I feel awful.
Ouch, this hurts.
Where is my love?
Love, help me now.
What has been the use of it?
Oh my God, I really have wasted my heart?
Please, oh God, I don’t want to see this,
I thought my love would save me somehow.
Where is my payoff when I need it most?
Oh, have I really been that much of a fool?
My life then has been meaningless?
Oh God, don’t tell me, not that too?
If not love, what?
This is awful…really awful.
This is more than disappointment,
This is enough to break God’s heart.
And I have to take this?
I do have to take it,
Oh no, this is it, there is no way out?
I can’t even cry, this is too real.
No reason to even bother.
I can’t believe it, but,
This is the truth.
Yes, I am smiling now.
I lost my life, but found myself.
Worth it ! The payoff comes!
And you are gonna LIKE it!
Judi : )
Michael Martin wrote:
For example, I learned that my own Master, Maharaj Charan Singh Ji, was the human form of God by my own meditation. We have to reach the level of the Masters’ inside us by love and devotion for the living Master. We can’t judge anyone’s spiritual status as long as we are operating on this physical plane. Mr. Morgen thinks we can. He is wrong, as he is quite prone to be on these newsgroups.
I see what’s going on with you now Michael. You state here above how you saw your guru as the human form of God thru your own meditation. That is all well and good, that is a function of the heart and devotion. But, what you are still lacking my dear Michael, is the intellect and discernment that must go along with that *devotion* in order for a proper awakening to occur. There is a lesson to be grasped here. And it takes more than just heart. There is nothing stopping you from this awakening except yourself. You are going to have to figure out *ON YOUR OWN* what it is that you are doing to yourself that is prohibiting your own enlightenment. That is your job Michael. I don’t want to hear any more of your ridiculous playing teacher and guru shit. Forget about everybody else and what everyone else is doing or has done and concentrate on your own damn miserable life. It’s your life Michael, ain’t nobody gonna save you but you! All this stuff that you have read of all these teachers thruout the ages will become perfectly clear and in a very personal way soon enough. Just stick to your own business.
Jai Hari Kaur
Princess of the Victory of God!
(post to alt.meditation)
Tom Z wrote:
Which insight were you referring to? Once you’ve reached that level than all seeking of course becomes a disease. As Buddha would have said an attachment that should be let go of.
It is really not even a matter of letting go, it becomes an automaticity. Once you see that your whole identity has been one based on seeking, always desiring or deviously playing towards some future unknown event.
For me, it was saying to myself—“what the hell am I doing?” I became totally disgusted with myself, to see how self-centered I really was. What really got to me, was that I saw no love in it. Selfishness only. So stupid I was, but it was the truth. And, at that point, I think is where I broke, my heart broke, and really for the first time in my life I stood alone and helpless, naked—I had no mind left. Because you see, I didn’t know *who* to be anymore. I didn’t even know *how* to be. I couldn’t *construct* a me! There was no reason. I was completely *halted*. Stopped dead in my tracks. And, that was it for me. I died! :-) The insight was so complete that I undermined myself—like I killed myself. But not in a negative way, just a matter of looking at the truth. Not the truth out there in the sky, but the truth of myself and what I was doing. So, if you are looking for the truth, don’t look to God in some unknown heaven somewhere, look to yourself. This is where you will find it. In your own back yard!
I know you are quite perceptive H.H., so tell me do you believe he’s really the divine teacher as he claims to be. I have decided he isn’t because I can see clearly that he’s simply trapped in existing on an altered state, perhaps one of the godly realms in Buddhist lore. He hasn’t even conquered his attachment to the holy and the sweetness of that realm. Thus he is not able to advance.
There is nothing *Divine* about it. That is what everyone wants to believe of course! :-) The only way I could call it divine is in my feeling about it. In my feeling, I can say everything is in fact divine! What else am I gonna call it??? :-) What you are left with is happiness only. And, get this, there is not a separate *one* even to *be* happy. It is *being* only—happiness. All that’s left is consciousness only—Me! Heart! Hence my name, Heart Happy! :-)
There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not.
As the Pope approached the gates of heaven it was Saint Peter who greeted him in a firm embrace.
“Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through the gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven.”
“You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father without prior appointment.”
“Is there anything which your holiness desires?”
“Well yes,” the Pope replied, “I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages, are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual conversations between God and the prophets of old?” “I would love to see what was actually said, without the dimming of memories over time.”
Saint Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library and explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was thrilled and settled down to review the history of man’s relationship with God.
Two years later a scream of anguish pierced the stacks of the library. Immediately several of the Saints and Angels came running to the Pope’s side to learn the cause of his dismay.
There they found the Pope pointing to a single word on a parchment, Repeating over and over, “There’s an ‘R’, There’s an ‘R’!!!” “Look, the word is celibrate, not celibate”!
If you want to know what enlightenment is, you throw out the *how*, you throw out the *levels* and you throw out the *zones*, and while you’re at it, you throw out the rest of the garbage too—yourself! Voila! :-)
What I’m saying is, there is no *how*. If there was such a thing, don’t you think everybody would be enlightened and realized already??? That’s not what enlightenment is all about. It’s the *undermining* of that whole searching seeking separate suffering business. It’s about insight and realization. There is nothing you can *do* to enlighten yourself. If there was, I would tell you. It’s a paradox and you either realize it or you don’t. There ain’t no half way and you’re not ever gonna sneak up on it either! :-)
Stick around if you’d like, cause I’m gonna just cut through all of this spiritual baggage nonsense stuff. And it’s a lot of fun, but remember, everything goes, and you’re gonna have to lose *face*. But, it’s ok, you’re among friends here. We’re all in the same boat, and there are some of us that have been thru what you yet have to look forward to. I’m kind of envious of you actually. And I wish you were here with me, so I could see you when you let out that happiest of squeals that only comes with realization!!
Yep, that’s right, no more searching! It becomes an impossibility, because you see that all the search is in your own suffering activity. Then you will say to yourself, why the hell am I doing this? Boy am I stupid!! :-) Everything I am doing is nothing but suffering!
And then you say to yourself, well what the hell am I gonna do?
Oh no! Ain’t nothing I can do, don’t even know who to be, no way to continue—complete surrender takes its place—automatically.
Then your true nature and identity will flash forward and you will see who you are and you will at long last find your place—home, as consciousness only. Not separate from anything.
You will discover that you are IT, and have been all along. You just didn’t know it because you were chasing your tail thinking it was outside of yourself in the realms of experience.
Experience continues of course, but now experience becomes an enjoyable affair. It’s a lovely ride.
There really is no such thing as one’s autobiography.
Because you see, all there is, is God!
You have this idea that you are a separate something or other which keeps you locked in a body in time and space. When the truth is, there is only God.
There is no such thing as a separate. There is no separate anything that exists apart from God Itself. That is all there is, and I am that. So are you, and so is everybody and everything else.
So, life for me is a very happy occasion, because God stands in the place where *Judi* came to her very rude and abrupt ending! :-)
I think her last words were, “fine fucking mess I got myself into!” :-)
And that is same ending that you my dear have to look forward to and swallow yourself!! :-)
It’s time to wake up! Then we can have a little chorus here together of “Oh Happy Days”!! We’ll wake everybody up with our singing!! It’ll piss em all off, they’ll have to wake up. We’ll make them so miserable, they won’t have any choice!!
The word *spirituality* doesn’t cut it for me anymore. That was a carrot that I chased for over 20 years and all I got for it was tired!! I chased it inside and I chased it outside. I was chasing experience. I was on a path looking for experience. And I was well along down that path. I had experienced God. I was what some would call *advanced*. Let me put it to you like this—I am not advanced anymore!!! :-)
Seeking and being on a path is identical. Drop the seeking, the path is also dropped. Who or what are you going to find???
I can look for groceries when I’m in the supermarket and I can look or seek for all types of forms and things within life, but who I am, my *contentedness* (if you will?), is not something *up for grabs*. You can’t *grab* who you are, you can only *be* who you are. That is why *enlightenment* is not in the realm of experience. Because when enlightenment *is*, you *are not*. Anything outside enlightenment itself, falls in the realm of experience. And within experience, *you* can experience enlightenment. Whoopdedoo???
See what I mean?? It’s no big deal. It’s really no *deal* at all. It’s nothing is what it is.
But because I am *one* who has fallen out of the realm of experience from exhaustion and general pissed off-ness, :-), I can say that I am in fact enlightened. But you see, I’m pulling your leg. And when I do that, I’m pissing others off so that they will also take a look and grow tired of experience too, so they can join me here in this *enjoyment* of realization.
*Reality* is a surprise much bigger than you could ever imagine, so profound that it encompasses all of time, space and creation… and yet, so perfectly intimate and close, that it begs for a kiss.
There is no state, there is no experience, no enjoyment that I can point to that is outside of what is, in the right here and now. In other words, there is no “me” that is standing apart or split off in “space” somewhere to view or to even witness. There is only what is. And I am that. It’s altogether, it’s wholeness. It is “no seeking.” It is just being with/as what is already here, with whatever is??? It doesn’t seem to matter. It makes no difference what the “whatever” is. There is no outside there is no inside, there is no looking. It is surrender into what is.
It is the searching that is the unhappiness itself. As long as we are searching, we are ignoring the happiness that is already here. So, the search is nothing more than turning away from happiness. And the wonderful thing and what makes happiness HAPPINESS is that we don’t need any information for it to be SO! It’s grace is what it is. I’ll take it!! :-)
I permitted myself to lose. And it was in that *losing*, that stopping, that free space (courageously heart broken space) that I took a look at myself to see what, if anything, it was that I did to screw up and what I could or should be doing differently. I thought I had done everything right up to that point. And when I investigated myself I saw that my identity was nothing more than a suffering activity of selfish seeking, looking for a payoff somehow or somewhere. And this time, my investigation led me into a place where there was no way out. This insight completely unraveled my identity, so much so, that I could not get up and walk across the room even. All purpose for my continued existance came to a halt. I died, right then and there. Kaput, over, lights out, death. Not bodily death, but death of the separate *one*. What took it’s place was consciousness only, the all and everything, which has been here all along. In actuality, there is no *me* even, there is only this freedom, this consciousness. No time or space, nothing. No *I*, no *I AM*, no *ONE*, no nothing.
You can’t buy enlightenment by being a self righteous saint. And crying and feeling very sad and humble about the fact that it’s not working won’t do it either. Enlightenment is about transendence and understanding, not about becoming a better person.
There are no limits on love. It is beyond yet lies within all form. It is the birds in the air taking flight. It is the flower opening itself to the warmth of the sun. It is the wind caresssing the trees. As Satchmo says, “I see people shaking hands, saying how do you do, but what they’re really saying is I love you”. It’s all about love and as you will soon see, is in fact, who we *are*.
You know what I find interesting is that there really is no enlightening anybody else. People are gonna get it when they’re gonna get it. And no one knows how or when that is going to occur. The spiritual path is each person’s individual life itself, like a fruit on a tree each one ripens and falls. In other words, it’s a totally private affair. There is no teaching. Should come as a shock to some of you guys who are looking for a teaching, or even worse, those of you who think you’ve found one!!! A sobering affair.
When you have the guts to admit to yourself that you are suffering and you have tried every avenue there is to try and there is no place and no one else to turn to except yourself, then and ONLY then have you come to a place where real investigation and insight into yourself can take place. And what there is to realize is not some ‘God’ or some heavenly experience, but your own activity of seeking which is nothing but suffering itself. When you see what you have been doing, you will drop it automatically, like a hot potato and what is left is where the fun starts. :-) I recommend it. :-)
“Realization is but the art of dying smart”
“No love, no lord above, oh yes—it’s hard”
HELP!!! I’ve ascended and I can’t get down!! :-)
Basically, it all enfolded this past March (1997) Stephen and I had been fighting, as usual, and I left for a couple weeks to housesit (sheep-sit) for a friend. I had some time to spend alone for a welcome change. One cold evening, I fixed a nice fire in the wood burning stove, and I got to thinking about how hurt and disappointed and heart broken I was in Stephen’s behavior and the whole “situation”. Then it is like my whole life came crashing in on me with that same hurt and disappointment. Disappointment as in—I felt that I had given it (life) my best shot and here I was heart broken. I felt that I should have been *beyond* being hurt like I was, because I considered myself such a happy somewhat *enlightened* person and dealt with life, I thought just fine. But not this time. And, I didn’t know what to do about it. There was no action I could take to make the hurt and hopelessness of my situation go away. I just couldn’t have been a more loving person. I had given my all and it still was not enough? What was I to do? I was major heart broken…major. So heart broken that I couldn’t even cry, what I was doing was just looking at the truth of my situation. I saw that my whole life was wrapped up in seeking by trying to be this good loving person and it had brought me to this? Something was wrong then… definitely wrong. I had to change my *attack*. But what? I needed to do something different but I just didn’t know how or what. I felt I had wasted my life. I felt that all my love and effort had been wasted. But the problem I was left with was I just didn’t know who or *how* to be anymore, literally! It was though I had no “building blocks” with which to “construct” an identity for a life! The truth of what I felt was totally shocking.
What I realized was that my life was wrapped totally up in seeking, looking for a pay-off of God knows what? The feeling that consumed me was something on the order of “well, that’s it, my life was over”. Then, all of a sudden, this new energy filled me up and I knew and saw and felt in an instant the absurdity of what I thought my life was about. And what I realized was that I was everything that I had been seeking for. I was love, I was enlightenment, I was freedom, I was understanding, the very “thing” itself. I was “IT”. There was no “I” that had ever been separated from anything, this was a new deal here, this was the real deal, “I” was the “real deal”. You could say I was overjoyed… so completely overjoyed… that there was *no reason* to be overjoyed whatsoever, but I was none the less. I took advantage. And “taking advantage was/is a lot of fun to say the least,
Holy Kamoly…look out world, I have arrived, boy am I gonna have some fun with this! This enlightenment is right up my alley, cause I am one who loves to play and play HARD! :-) And the best part is…it’s all true! My life now is one of no seeking (to borrow a phrase from Da), just the sheer utter enjoyment of being myself! I find myself in tears often just in the gratefulness of it all, and what I have been given. And, now that I have “settled down” somewhat, if you could call it that :-), that just by living my life and being myself I am hoping that others will “catch on” so they too can share in this realization with me. You could say I am in a very very good mood!
Thank you so much for letting me share with you all,
To which Kurt responded:
Ramana Maharishi said something appropriate to your occasion, Judi: “Your duty is not to be this or that but simply to be.” I am wondering, though, how you view your enlightenment as a “becoming”, since enlightenment is radically “unbecome”?
In those moments prior to awakening, what transpired for me was seeing that who I had been, this whole persona, everything that I had ever done, or thought or felt, was built on falsity, a seeking game looking for a pay off. It was not a pretty sight! And, not only not pretty, what was I to do? It wasn’t like I thought, oh well, oh geez, now I will sit and here and “be” looking good! NO! I really had no choice in anything. It was a shock is what it was. I went into shock mode! “Be” mode sounds much too “together”. I literally was wiped out…eradicated…erased. The truth of the situation did it for me. It was just a matter of looking at the truth. There was no “effort” on my part to do or be anything. That very thing is what I was looking at that was the falsity. If you can’t “do” and you can’t “be”….what is there? Nothing! You could say that me and nothing had a face off! :-) LOL Face off! Get it??? LOL It was a real tough fight!! LOL So, the word “unbecoming” is a very good one. It was unbecoming to say the least! Sheesh! Not a pretty sight! :-)
Thanks for asking, hope I answered your question, Judi
You were vague regards the question Ted asked about “practice”. What was your practice…in technical terms or was it just spontaneous like Ramana Maharshi’s?
To which Judi responded:
I look at my practice or my path, if you will, as just my life. Trying all avenues, going down all the roads, trying this, working this, seeing this, observing that, loving this, rejecting that… life. It is just seeking. You practice with some goal in mind. After the goal has been reached, there is no need for practice and also there is no concern for what your practice even consisted of. Who cares? How does that go… if you’re not going to be worrying about it in heaven, why bother with it now? I am on to bigger and better things! :-) It wasn’t anything in my practice that got me enlightened. What got me enlightened was seeing that my practice was not working! And, not only not working, it’s motivation was built on selfishness. It was not based on love, no matter how pure I tried to convince myself that it was. I mean, I was at least a saint and I was headed for the boss’s job of God! I probably would have made it to, given enough time! LOL So do you see how ridiculous any questions refering to practice are? If someone asks me what they should practice, like my practice was some roll model, I would tell them to practice the piano. If they want to get enlightened, surrender, see what you are doing, see that your whole life is based on seeking something outside of yourself, or something to add to yourself. See your own miserablness. Take a good hard look at why you are miserable. You are miserable because you are selfish. You are really obnoxious. You are on a power trip to satisfy your own egotistical desires. And, what is really obnoxious about it, is that you try to disguise this egotistical behavior by being “loving”… unconditional even! Phew! Stinky! That is what I had to look at in myself, it was not a pretty sight. You are going to have to see what your so called life is built on and around. And when you can have guts enough and be sober enough to look at yourself that way, you will see that you really have no option but to surrender… to call it quits. Now we get to the good part! Grace. And from there, it is all downhill!
I find the idea of “leaping” interesting. That was definitely NOT my experience. If there was a place for me to leap, I would have, fool that I was. But, all I can say is, is thank God there was NOT! What I did was realize that there was no place to go. You see, there really is no place to go. Fortunately, or unfortunately for you. :-) That is just the truth. And the sooner we stop kidding each other about this nasty little overlooked “fact” :-)… the better! I am not kidding around here. I am serious! I am deadly serious in fact! Whoa you say? That’s right, you should do just that…whoa! Stop and look at what you are doing. And I not the least bit interested in what I thought I was doing. I was doing something stupid, that is all I care about. I know I was a fool, I would just as soon forget it. Nothing to be proud of. The only thing I take pride in is that I finally had the guts and the smarts to stop! A friend told me once…the shame of being human is not knowing when to quit. So, anyway, I digress. So, for you guys who think you are going to “leap” someplace into your enlightenment….you are still kidding yourselves. Knock it off would you….I mean..for crying out loud!
To which someone responded:
Why isn’t this a Leap into “Faith in your own being”?
Well, there was no place to leap, so the leaper was not necessary! It wasn’t a matter of me having faith, it was a matter of getting “erased”. They call it a death, and I understand what they are talking about now. It really is. You see, I have not moved from that “spot” where I died. YOu could say that I am standing in my own grave. Now I stand *as* that, not in any sense whatsoever…seeking. But, I obviously am not mourning, who died was not “me” in the first place. I could sing a little “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” for you if it would help to get my point across. :-)
Enlightenment is a very serious matter. It’s the Transcendence of life altogether as you now assume it to be. It’s about death—your death. The Teaching is a Sacred matter and not a self improvement technique thinking that you are going to get something out of it. Because the very one that thinks they are going to get something out of it is what gets obliterated in the process.
Enlightenment is not something that you can *aspire* to like the violin. If you’re ready to die right now and never go back I say come on, but if not, turn back, go on with your life and be happy. God has everything under control.
Understanding, or freedom itself is not to be found in feelings.
A ‘you’ can feel this way, a ‘you’ can feel that way, a ‘you’ can feel miserable, a ‘you’ can feel blissful, a ‘you’ can have a quiet, blank mind, makes no difference, because there is still a ‘you’.
Understanding, like he said, lies in the recognition of that whole adventure of their even being a ‘you’ in the first place.
In truth, there is no ‘you’. There is only consciousness, freedom. So, when a ‘you’ realizes this, and it can be quite a shock, :-), because it’s death, the connection is cut, the adventure is brought to an end, and understood for what it is, and identity of the living being, is then shifted out of separateness into consciousness itself, which was always already there in the first place. From this point of view, time is no more, immortality is realized, and life in Truth is understood and enjoyed. There is no such thing as a ‘separate’. There is no time, there is only and always ‘now’. It’s always been this way. There is only this Enjoyment, it’s the only alternative. It’s what’s for lunch. :-)
It comes down to a matter of intelligence, of need. Of seeing thru your own game so that it all falls apart. I guess it just comes down to going around the block so many times until a person says to themselves, now wait just a darn minute here, what am I doing?
So you keep going around the block and everytime you pass by I’ll be sitting here waiting for you with a glass of scotch.
And round and round they go!
I’m addressing this to you mature, sincere folks out there who are serious about this “realization” or “enlightenment” business and just might happen to have your ears on right now, as you’re reading what I have to say. I am not addressing this to the hysterical neurotics, the lovelorn, the sob sisters, the insecure, the angry, the know-it-alls, the distrustful ax-grinders, the smiley guys, the “oh yes, life is great, hallelujah” gang—in other words, the general run of mental-emotional basket cases, that we see so often in so-called “spiritual” circles. I hold out no hope for them. They’re busy doing whatever kind of nonsense they’re about. If they had half a brain to begin with they wouldn’t be doing that in the first place. Let’s face it, this is not for everybody—so let’s move on.
Realization is for strong, secure, emotionally mature, clear-headed, no-nonsense, healthy folks, people with both feet on the ground. It’s not brain surgery, all it takes is common sense and the unflinching desire to understand, to uncover, to get to the bottom of the matter, to look at the truth of who you are come what may. It requires the courage to stand alone, because the ball lies entirely in your court. Let me tell you—and I can’t stress this strongly enough—there has been so much nonsense promulgated about finding the truth of who you are in some “other,” be it a lover, a guru, Jesus, or even some personal idea of “God.” In other words, paying lip service to some imaginary being isn’t going to cut it! Discovering the truth of who you are is not about playing emotional co-dependency games with some sort of “other.” That said, let’s go on.
On to the point: realization is about understanding, it is not about making your life work out. That is the great misunderstanding. It is not something “added” to your already existing circumstance or sense of existence that you are trying to improve upon, to finally get that brass ring or cream pie in the sky. This is about the utter failure of all that, it is not in just allowing or coming to terms with it, but actually marching right into it! You see your life is not going to “work out,” not ever, and that’s exactly is the point.
Understanding is about loss, not gain. Please understand that! In order to actually and really observe yourself and get at the truth of who you are, and what you’re doing, you first have to get clear of the hope, the fear, that business of you trying to make your life work out, from the time you wake up in the morning until you go to bed at night. Whatever drives you, your so-called story, the tale of Dick or Jane—it’s simply not going to happen. Even if your prince, princess, or Rolls-Royce does show up, that’s going to come to an end. Nothing is permanent and whatever goes up must come down. People die and even Rolls-Royce’s rust. You have to come to terms with that, seriously, once and for all. That’s all there is to it. In other words, it’s in stopping all that business that you play with all the time, that you occupy yourself with, the whole “grass is greener” business that you suffer continually. All that nothing but the activity of suffering, if you would but see it! That’s your entire identity, you see., it’s what makes you tick! It’s very subtle. Whether you’re at your worst or at your best, it is still, at its root, suffering.
So, the work, the “task” then becomes one of actually looking for where it is that you’re holding on, what you’re still trying “work out,” and simply letting it go. To bring this suffering to the surface, to look at it, to make it concrete, palpable. This is by no means some sort of psychotherapy, you don’t have to analyze it and understand the “why” of your holding on, to just to bring it up and see it, allow yourself to feel it and let it go is enough. In other words, it’s not about saying “Well, it’s because my mother hit me when I was a kid, poor me,” or any number of events that might have occurred. The past is dead and gone, drop it. And let me say something else here, I am not describing a career or a hobby here. Realistically, I’m referring to a couple weeks of serious intense effort, for those of you who are mature and prepared, perhaps a few months, but certainly no more than that.
My advice is simple: take some time for yourself, get off away by yourself, let your life go, completely. Just get away and get into these places where you’re holding on and let go. I mean all the places where you don’t want to go—you need to go there and stop avoiding them. Face the fears that you have been hiding, even from yourself. Bring everything up until you are absolutely, utterly heartbroken and be done with it!
And that is when real self-observation begins and NOT before. In other words, you have to get beyond yourself, so you can clearly see yourself and what it is you are actually doing. It’s like discovering that you have been pinching yourself without realizing it, causing your own suffering. And that’s all your the illusion of separate identity amounts to. However, as long as you’re trying to make the story work out one way or another, you can’t really observe yourself because you are the suffering activity you’re trying to observe!
There is only Consciousness, you do not really even exist. Never did!
Just think, all this time and you could of had a V-8!
Simply going along indulging yourself in life doesn’t cut the mustard. Every idiot and their brother does that. Nothing new there. Realization, if there is to be any, lies in a specific process, which is intelligence, which has nothing to do with indulgences, or the lack of them.
Right, and that intelligence can’t be measured with an IQ test either—the world is awash in high-IQ fools fascinated by their own shallow cleverness much like an ape entertaining itself by playing with its own dung!
Krishnamurti often referred to intelligence that had nothing to do with the activity of thought. It’s like the Cher character in “Moonstruck” yelling out “Get over it!” The “it” in this case is that which craves indulgence or exults in its supposed absence.
No one said it was easy, but you have to let everyone go. The courage to stand alone. And that’s when real self observation takes place, not before. In other words, you can’t still have a stake in the *game* and observe yourself. That’s cheating. :-)
Straighten up and bow down!
There’s noooooo way around it! :-)
I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contain’d,
I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things,
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago,
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.
“Peace of mind” is an oxymoron and is exactly what your suffering IS, if you would but see it.
It’s all but a game of avoidance that you continually play with yourself. “Jeff” is but a masturbator, a “masturbation”, period, end of story.
And when you want to get honest with yourself and see that THAT is what you are doing, then perhaps we can have a serious conversation, but until such time, I might as well be talking to a brick wall, because your hand is firmly on your dick.
And a good example of how pathetic some of you guys are, I was telling M***** yesterday about A***** and how 30 years ago she was probably sitting on a barstool calling herself “Bunny”, and now she’s sitting in the satsang hall calling herself “SacredHeart”. :-) Truly, if it weren’t so pathetic, it would be hysterical. And what bothers me even more is that she’s been with how many teachers for how many years and no one has ever called her on it. What’s up with that? I wonder.
Because they don’t see it, and even if they saw it, they’d still want her to come back to the next satsang. Maybe her gooey eyes will get the other folks to turn into devotees…
Yes I’m sure. It’s what I call “enablers”. And they’re all over the place. And without mentioning names, you and I know who some of them are.
The following text appeared on the home page of Judi’s mail group, The End of the Rope Ranch.
THIS IS A LIST FOR REALIZERS and mature humans who aspire to such realization. It is for those that have been around the block one too many times and are now ready and willing to really start looking at the truth of and in themselves, at the ignorant suffering that’s keeping them mired in the “seeker” identity and role. This is not a refuge for the emotionally immature or for those with psychological problems to work out—the inveterate self-improvers, the humor-impaired, the “New Age” spirituality hobbyists and those merely seeking attention by gabbing about how blissful, happy, loving, smart, or even how dumb they think they are simply need not apply here.
This is a list for those ready to cut through their own games, for those willing to wholeheartedly put themselves on the line for the undermining and the understanding of that whole nonsensical separate adventure in its entirety—and it’s for sharing the humor, the love, and the pure joy of finally realizing our true, newborn perceptual condition, a state that is not separation, but rather wholeness, freedom, consciousness itself.
Text copyright © Judi Rhodes. Illustration copyright © Aldrine Joseph M. Chuaquico (AldrineRowdyruffBoy). The description of The End of the Rope Ranch mail group first appeared on that group’s home page on Yahoo.com. The other writings have been reprinted from Tinkles… from a Golden Belle… Judi Rhodes.
An old web site of Judi’s archived on the Wayback Machine. The link loads slowly.
This page was first published on January 16, 2023, last revised on January 18, 2023, and last republished on January 20, 2023.