This article is reprinted from a chat that Prakriti had with a friend on Skype. She didn’t expect the chat to be published, so her language is informal, and we’ve printed her words exactly as she typed them because we want to preserve the life in them. The picture at the top of the page and the emoticon below were pasted into the chat by Prakriti.
EVERY MONTH or two there is some sort of deep settling of this Unconscious Life through me. And actually I realized it’s not “Unconscious”, the best word for it could be “Completely Surrendered/Non-Existent” kind of existence where I am not in the way of “propagation” of life. It seems there is a big ocean Consciousness and there are really crazy waves of “thoughts” raging in that Ocean. But you know those waves are not useless, not troublesome, thoughts are not a hindrance or you know show stopper. Instead that’s how Life Moves. It’s the movement of life itself. Since last month I realized I keep catching “other’s thoughts” and the moment I will realize who’s thought I caught, he/she will contact me and then we will talk/chat/discuss life and I will to give them a perspective or do something, means some “action” happened through the “movement of those thought waves” and that’s how life propagates, that’s how life moves… It’s so beautiful. Yes the Calm Ocean is beautiful too, but those raging waves, waves shattering at the shore is what makes an Ocean ALIVE!
It’s like how on the Pool table one may hit one ball directly and it will hit another one and that will hit another one and some other one may go down the hole. So now it’s like as if this “Being” is playing Pool in the Ocean of Consciousness and it’s just beautiful. Or may be the more specific way to say it could be that Pool is just going on all by itself and it’s like without any external force or anything it all just goes on by itself the way it is suppose to be, it’s just that Prakriti is no longer there to Obstruct the flow of natural life, Universe. Earlier it used to be Prakriti and the Universe/Ocean of Consciousness/Invisible Cosmic System, but now it’s like just that Invisible Cosmic System exists and I don’t know from which angle I get to “witness it” or “be it” or “be the witness witnessing itself witnessing this Invisible Cosmic Workings and it’s just Ad Infinitum.
So yea it’s not a deep sleep or unconsciousness as one may think… it’s just that now I am the Ocean, I am it’s still bottom and I am the raging roaring waves too…. LOL… or may be I cannot differentiate as to where I am in any given moment or what I am or who/what Being, being what, when, where? I don’t know… but this is seriously very beautiful…Being the whole Cosmos now…. it’s not Universe, it’s Cosmos….
Earlier I remember I used to “understand” everything as Me vs Universe…. but now that whole pattern and perception of “understanding anything” is gone. Instead now the understanding is of “as a whole”, “whole Universe”, whole Cosmos, Life as a Whole....
I guess we really don’t know the meaning of “Holistic Understanding” until after SR
Now for anything and everything around me, all life events, small things, big things, other people’s life, this and that… for everything there is just this One Type of Perception/Understanding that happens through Being — Holistic, truly whole-listic!
It’s very beautiful, romantic, ecstatic, lovely, beyond words!
One minute I may be screaming on my son if he did something like that, another minute I may be laughing hard, it’s like body keeps on living even the emotional and mental part of it as a “Habit” but it doesn’t matter anymore, all emotions are same or there is no impact of any emotion or anything at all…. actually one become very very Ordinary, Extra Ordinary after SR…
It’s so cool to have Habits actually else if there is no one around after SR then keeping this body alive is impossible… it’s not needed anymore anyways….. but if it can be kept alive for others then having good habits of eating, sleeping, showering, drinking water, some health cleansing rituals/habits, energy cleansing and even smoking habit is actually very very good…. habits keeps the body going
NOTHING is useless…. NOTHING that happens is useless, NOTHING that one ever thinks is useless…. it impacts the entire Ocean of Consciousness…. and it’s just so beautiful...
It’s the “propagation of life”… movement of life, dance of life…
Earlier I was one of the balls on the pool table being hit by other balls and just rolling aimlessly here and there… but now it’s like I am the Master Pool Player by not playing at all
oh God this Language can never be used to convey something really meaningful… it’s just impossible to talk or use words of any language… once you SR we will talk and discuss using SILENCE
The conversation moved on to the subject of work, and after a little while Prakriti wrote:
Prakriti: Let’s play pool and not worry…
Friend: I thought the idea is to not play
Prakriti: Idea is not “not to play”… always play, play as much as you can…. but be Absent from the Play, never be the Player…. be the Whole Game!
Friend: What's stopping me? Because I'm so busy staring at this “me”?
Prakriti: if you persist it will exist… that “me”
Prakriti: because there is someone for looking, there is something to look
Friend: What makes that stop?
Prakriti: Stop looking at that “me” so that looking is gone and slowly the one used to “look” will be gone.
Friend: ok i will
Prakriti: Me = Object, You = Subject and the relationship is of “Looking”
Give up the Subject first
The Idea of the Subject as “You” needs to go away
that “me” will be there even after SR which “You” are looking at now
It’s just that “You” will not be there
You can NEVER DELETE or KILL that “Me”, the OBject
Never fight with that Object
Neither fight with the Relationship… of looking
they will exist as part of WHOLE even after SR…. without YOU
Friend: Okay I will.
Prakriti: A scene just crossed me, Me and You sitting on top of some mountain our feet hanging from the cliff and we look at each other and laugh and then again look at each other and laugh and others around are thinking we are just crazy… but we are communicating through Silence… and after SR there is nothing else left but to Laugh…. now I know why Bodhirama became Laughing Buddha after his Enlightenment…. because all you can do is just laugh
Now I love all those who are living in their minds and creating thoughts continuously as they are the Waves of the Ocean, they are whats making the Life move, it may look like Random chaos but it’s not, it’s a very smooth beautiful flow of life… as if light is falling onto a Pure White Crystal and is getting scattered…. I love them so much…. they are the waves
Prakriti pastes the picture shown at the top of the page into the chat.
Prakriti: This is how the Ocean of Consciousness may look like… Ocean of “Thoughts”… exactly opposite of that black hole
When Prakriti wrote “that black hole” she was referring to the following picture which had appeared on Freddie Yam’s blog a few days earlier as an illustration of the idea that we have to fall into a black hole in order to realize the Self.
Friend: The un-black hole.
Prakriti: hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I love this … un-black-hole
The next day, after reading the parts of the article that are printed above, Prakriti wrote:
I just realized we were talking in a real Mystical way
There is a mystical element to our yesterday’s chat
It’s one thing “to be/being” this or that… but it’s whole another thing “to be” the “propagation/movement of Life” and “Life” itself
Earlier the perception as a Being that I was having was limited to being a Tree or River, I mean whatever the 5 senses can perceive being just that in any given moment. But now it’s like 5 senses are not there, instead it’s Being the Whole, Being the Life, Being the Movement or Life, Being the disorder/Chaos of Universe and Subtle order/flow of the Cosmos!
That’s the highest form of Mystery I ever had/felt/be
It’s like as if I am a huge soft thin fabric/net kind of through which the movement/air of life can flow without any obstruction but just through that soft/thin strands of fabric the FLOW can be changed, directed in a very subtle way… not easily recognizable
Thats how I am changing lives around me
Text copyright © Prakriti Nigam 2017.
Prakriti Nigam is a software architect and single mother of a teenage boy. Since Self-realization she helps people transform and walk their spiritual journeys. She lives in Melbourne, Australia.
About the idea that Self-Realization is like falling into a black hole and discovering that the hole is the opposite of how it seemed, here are a few sentences by Franklin Merrell-Wolff from Pathways Through to Space:
I abstracted the subjective moment — the “I AM” or “Atman” element — from the totality of the objective consciousness manifold. Upon this I focused. Naturally, I found what, from the relative point of view, is Darkness and Emptiness. But I Realized It as Absolute Light and Fullness and that I was That.
This page was published on June 29, 2017 and last revised on January 3, 2018.