IN THE MIDST of this
period of dramatic transformation and self-recognition, I was forced
to function at a very high level at work (except for the first few
days, in which I was incapable of anything). I am a manager in a
leading edge software firm with a number of intense responsibilities.
I've gone through many feelings about work, whether it was holding
me back, harming the process, etc., but even in the midst of work,
this process heightened and to a great extent, came to fruition.
Therefore, many of my preconceptions were dropped concerning what
is "good" or "bad" for my spiritual process during this period.
In early April, I was
given the task to do demonstrations for a new product for a group
of faithful customers at a "Users Group" seminar in Denver. I arranged
my flights so as to minimize my time away, as I want to be with
the people I love as much as possible. When I arrived at the new
Denver airport, it was 75 degrees, but then for the next few days,
it proceeded to snow and perform winter's last dance for the last
time this season.
Staying in the Brown
Palace Hotel, a luxurious hotel where they have maids that come
around to fill your stainless steel ice water jug every afternoon,
I treasured my own space in a lovely hotel room. On one of the days,
I was free from all duties by noon, so I locked myself in my room,
and did a tiny retreat of meditation, study and journalling. I thoroughly
enjoyed being totally alone to explore.
During the last meditation
of the evening, I became acutely aware that all arising - attention,
thoughts, the sensations of my body, the space around me and even
objects in the room - were all simply a manifestation of consciousness/being,
and thus had no real intrinsic separate reality. It was all
the same - nothing made any difference!! In a single moment, I was
standing prior to attention itself as Consciousness/Being itself.
The insight was like a flash of lightning that bolted forth from
my own Self-Nature to penetrate everything in my field of awareness
to the point of "transparency".
The import of this flash
seemed as profound as the initial awakening weeks before. At that
time, I was utterly Aware of Who I Am, but as for others, and the
objects around me, this was still not as clear as the self-recognition,
in this breaking of the "lock on the back of the heart" as Saniel
said. This left a feeling of slight dilemma in the attempts to see
the context of all of existence, But this insight in my hotel room
in Denver was a summary recognition of all that arises as consciousness/being
and therefore not one iota different than my own Self-Nature. To
put it in theistic terms, I am God, and all is God. It resulted
in a blissful period of feeling the utter conviction that it
is all One Being, and I Am That. I felt an increased love for
everything, people, objects and even space itself, which I found