and unencumbered with organizational restrictions, I
felt free and ready to start a new phase in my life.
I knew that I had learned enough to continue work on
myself. In any case, finding a suitable Western teacher
would have been a challenging affair at that time. And
I did not want to spend my valuable time looking for
(and spend years learning to communicate with) a teacher
from an alien culture. Consequently, relying on my own
resources seemed to be the thing to do, and I did not
look for another mentor.
any event, after the turbulent years with my master,
I needed a period of rest and introspection -- a period
to recapitulate what I had learned and try to integrate
it into my life. I settled in a quiet town in the Sierra
Mountain foothills of California and spent time contemplating,
resting, going to movies, talking to friends and sharing
my life with spiritual colleagues.
many events transpired during these years, my main task
during this period was to learn the practical meaning
of Guru Yoga. After years of meditation training, I
began to pierce the outward expression of my master
-- his body, mind, emotions, personality -- and find
the Divine that was always hidden behind it. The Supreme
Being is at the core of us all but It is especially
manifest in the chosen ideal (Is't'a), which
in tantra yoga practice is always the physical form
of the guru who is, for the disciple, the most potent
symbol of self-realization. As I pierced my master's
worldly expression, both the Creation and the Creator
merged -- They were never really separate. At that point
there seemed to be little left to strive for because
I began to have a recurring experience of Abhidhyan
Yoga, which is, of course, at the root of my teachings
and my sannyasi (monastic) name. My guru had been a
master of foresight...
master concluded this period of my life with a visit
one night. He looked deep into my eyes... Then he smacked
and stroked me on my back near the heart and said: "I
am your tantra!" It took two months for the ecstasy
of his visitation to wear off.
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