By Prakriti Nigam
With Enlightenment, the Experiencer died in me and a Knower was born. This Knower was in perfect knowing of what has happened to me, what is happening to the body, senses, and emotions, who is enlightened, what is reality, what is duality/maya/relative reality, and a lot, lot more. This Knower was the warehouse of Cosmic Wisdom and I could access whatever, whenever.
This Knower was beyond time and space and was perfect Awareness, Pure Consciousness itself, performing the function of knowing. It was always aware of events, lessons that were pending for me to learn, how to learn them, what to do, and what not to do.
We always have this Knower within us which knows the TRUTH, which in fact is the TRUTH itself. At a smaller scale we call it intuition or gut feeling. But this small-scale knower is not as functional or directly perceived as the Knower that becomes evident after Enlightenment because the pre-Enlightenment Experiencer makes so much noise all the time and eats up all the space of our existence. It is always telling us, “I experienced this, now what next, what next, what next?” When that Experiencer/personality died, the Knower became my Existence or the plane where I existed.
Life changed completely as I saw and understood from this plane; nothing was the same. The first gift (boon) and challenge (curse) (yes, they existed simultaneously) that I had to deal with was that whomever I talked with, I could clearly see through them. Their personality, their whole existence, was bare naked in front of me, and when I said something it did not make any sense for them, as their perception was still through their personality, their mind/ego. When I tried to tell them about themselves, they had no way to understand it, perceive it, or see it. I became an oddball and made a fool out of myself.
The personality/Experiencer died in me, so the Knower was living and communicating in the world of people whose personality was very strong and alive. How to deal with all that? Who is there in me to deal with all that? I had no one who could explain to me how to live from this plane of Knowing. Ultimately after a few months I had to stop talking to people as much as possible. This wasn’t too hard for me since I lived life as an introvert. Still it was painful to recognize that so many people do not see the Truth, do not see the Reality. A desire arose to help them, help as many as possible, help the loved ones, and help everyone.
But the point is, everyone has this Knower within. It’s just that their personality/Experiencer is hiding it, closing the door of Cosmic Wisdom, the TRUTH. But maybe they haven’t experienced enough, haven’t had enough pain to cause renunciation in their minds. After all not all lemons are ripe on the tree the same day, which is perfectly fine. Some will ripen today, some tomorrow or the day after, but every lemon will ripen eventually, one way or the other. That’s the final outcome. There is no other way it can be.
So I made peace with the Knower within me and with the world around me. But then came an inquisitiveness to know what else exists. How many dimensions? What is the TRUTH? How vast is this relative reality, this Maya? But since the Experiencer was dead, I couldn’t think of experiencing anything. Instead whatever I wanted to know started coming to me as a deep knowing within, until I realized that there is no limit. This creation, Maya, is endless and can appear to be whichever way one looks at it. It can take a gazillion forms and shapes. Just as there is no limit to experiencing ‒ one could go on and on forever until infinity ‒ in the same way there is no end to knowing. The Knower in me stopped trying to consume infinity. Not that it’s not possible, it is, since the Knower is in the domain of pure consciousness, in the domain of ultimate creation, but what is the point? Why pursue that endless task? Why waste so much time? When we go to buy clothes, we don't try on all the clothes in the store. In a similar way, when liberation is the goal, why waste time?
Now this is the major lesson to learn here, that human experiences and human knowing could go on forever, so somewhere we have to draw a line and realize that it’s enough. We can’t let experiences and knowing distract us from our goal of Liberation. No more fooling around while we have a healthy human body.
Finally I was ready to give up this Knower. Too much knowing didn’t help me much because the personality was dead already, so I wasn’t trying to know anything to impress anyone or to reveal the universe to this world, or to create some sort of “Super Knowa (Knower) Personality” within. The world that I was living in and the people around me stayed the same; my knowing made no difference to my life or anyone else’s life. I realized it’s better and safer to not know everything! It’s easier to live a little ignorant.
Then came the time when I looked up to the sky and said “I am ready.” Without knowing what came next, without knowing what it would bring, without knowing that I was asking for DEATH, complete ANNIHILATION.
The Knower in me didn’t make any effort to know anything anymore!
This article was originally published on Unified Whole on June 7, 2016. Copyright © 2016 Prakriti Nigam. Used by permission.comments powered by Disqus